Being a Shy Guest Doesn’t Serve us Well

A few years ago my daughter spent a semester in Lyon, France. When she left home she was excited about the prospect of immersing herself within the French culture. Having secured room and board with a host family, she prepared herself for a dream adventure. When she landed in Lyon, her host family was waiting for her at the airport. The drive from the airport to their home was beautiful as she took in the scenes. This act of kindness and consideration from her host family made her feel that her time in Lyon was surely going to be a wonderful experience.

I received daily phone calls from her and within a few days of settling into her new home, I had a sad daughter on my hands. At first, I blamed it on jet lag and the long bus ride she took each day to school. She assured me that it had nothing to do with that. I prodded further, asking her a few more questions in the hope that they would help me get to the bottom of what was really going on.

As we talked more I got to learn that she was going to bed on an empty stomach. How was that possible? My heart was breaking and I got concerned for my daughter’s well being. On further investigation, I discovered that as soon as she got home to her host-family each day from school, she would stay in her room and dinner-time would come and go without her having any knowledge of it.

What had I done to my daughter? I hadn’t prepared her well. If she was in her room at home I always alerted her when we were getting close to dining. She had taken this habit to Lyon where it wasn’t serving her well. After our discussion, she found her way to the kitchen. It was all cleaned up and the chairs were stacked on the table. It meant the kitchen was closed. That night she had an apple for dinner.

My daughter realized that by spending time in her room she was depriving herself not only of meals but also of the opportunity of getting to know the family she would be spending 4 months with. Slowly she got more involved with the family and even availed herself during meal preparations. She observed that their lives were different from her back home, yet very interesting. By taking her cues from them on their way of life, and being part of it, she got to enjoy her time with them.

She and her host-family went on to enjoy trips to Switzerland and Paris as a family.  The family has picnics on a regular basis and my daughter got to enjoy them as well. Bonds were formed, and two years later she was invited back to attend a family member’s wedding.

Good etiquette teaches us that when we are invited, or get to visit someone’s home, we are not to be standoffish. It serves us well to pay attention to how they live their lives and to become part thereof. Not only is it respectful, it creates harmony in the home and improves the experience of everyone involved. Not to mention the avoidance of empty stomachs.