Is Chivalry Still Acceptable?

I’m blessed to have people in my life who come from different generations from mine, and as a result, sometimes they do not see things the same way as I do. Because of our loving and healthy relationships, they are not afraid to comment on my ideas, writings, or lessons. This usually leads to dynamic conversations that help me understand evolving societal norms while appreciating the timeless foundations of etiquette.

One such conversation happened when a loved one came across the lesson plan I had prepared for a young adult class. This class, which was for both young men and women, included a section in which young men were shown how to help ladies with their coats. You can only imagine the disapproval I received. It was insisted that there was absolutely no need to help the ladies with their coats. After asking her how she would feel if she were helped with hers, I learned that her opposition to the idea came from the feeling that her abilities to do such a mundane task were being questioned and even challenged. This was not the intent. Of course, she is capable of dressing herself. The act of helping ladies with their coats has nothing to do with their capabilities.

After our conversation, we decided to have a quick poll via text and phone calls with as many of the men and women we knew to gauge their opinions. We were both surprised to hear how many women of different ages and generations appreciated the gesture and how many men were more than willing to be gentlemanly in this way. Most of the participants also acknowledged that as much as times have changed and this practice is less common, there are still some individuals who, when given the opportunity, prefer traditional acts of chivalry.

I am one of those women who doesn't think it a weakness on my part when my husband opens and closes the car door for me, pulls my dining chair out, and walks on the traffic side of the street when we are together. I even step aside and let him walk into unknown buildings first. Some of these practices came about in the past to protect women from danger. In fact, the origin of the word chivalry has a place among the qualities of the medieval knights who sought a moral code to protect, honour, and be courteous.

In my interactions with young adults, I have discovered a pressing desire to do the right thing socially. Young men tend to be nervous when meeting their girlfriend’s parents, and they expectantly ask how they should act to make a good impression. I always offer time-tested etiquette tips, such as showing some consideration to their girlfriend in front of her parents.

Chivalry, when properly understood, encourages a cycle of respect between those who demonstrate it and those who receive it. It is a respectful act that still has a place in our world today. So, let us welcome it.